Friday, April 13, 2012

JessicaInSeattle, On Mothering

Mother's Day is one month from today - Sunday, May 13th.  I used to really like Mother's Day .

I miss the simplicity of the sweetness that Mother's Day used to mean to me.  I miss the little "Roses are red..." poems with handprints in paint that used to come home from school the Friday before (I think budget cuts in the schools have put a stop to the crafts).  I even miss the breakfast that always got spilled all over my bedclothes causing me to have to wash twice as much laundry that day.  And the cards.  I really miss Mother's Day cards.

My kids are all growing up and life has changed a lot in the last several years.  My two youngest will be waking up at their Dad's house on Mother's Day morning this year and my two oldest are both angry with me for providing them the independence they asked for.

I'm sure the older kids see it in a different light.  Probably something more like "That mother fucking bitch isn't paying my bills this month.  How am I supposed to buy the new clothes I need?"  I'm sure it is something along those lines in language just like that which I'm rather unhappily letting them brew over in the hopes that one day, they will realize that handouts are not a way of life and when you decide you are a grown person, you get treated like a grown person.

Gee, guess they forgot that grown people are self-sufficient.  Totally sucks that I have to be the one to remind them.  But when I gave them life, I chose to be the one that would one day have to teach the hard lessons.

So, I don't expect either of them to "remember" to call this year.  I might hear from them when they want money again.  I'll have to pretend I'm a real hard-ass and say no.  I'm not a real hard-ass and I want to give them everything, but I can't.


Well, because being a Mother is not all rainbows, butterfly kisses, smiles and days at the beach.  Those are mixed in there somewhere of course or we would be a dying planet, but the bulk of being a real Mother (and the part no one ever seems to talk about) are the struggles of trying to raise children.

There is hair pulling, screaming and biting.

  • Some of the hair pulling is one sibling pulling on another, and some is me, pulling out my own hair in frustration.  
  • Some of the screaming is from a tired child, some from children screaming at each other and some is me screaming at my kids and then feeling bad about it right afterward and saying sorry while still telling them that whatever it was that they did was wrong.  
  • Ninety-nine percent of the biting is the kids.  The other once percent is when I bite them back when they bite me and then that solves the biting issue because, um, hello...biting "hurts like a Mother".

Wait, where did that saying come from?  Makes ya think a bit.  Hmmm.

There is investigating, snot, crying and doctoring.

  • The investigating is to find out who did what when what happened where, why it happened at all, who started it and who is getting punished.  
  • The snot is because from the day a child is able to produce tears, they seem to have a runny nose.  And child snot is not like any other snot on the planet.  It is actually produced by trolls in thick, slimy, varying colours and at night while you are sleeping, the trolls come into your child's room and place the snot in your child's nasal cavity in copious quantities.  I swear, this is true!  
  • The crying is mostly done by the children.  Some is by you either when your child is hurt and it makes you cry, when your child says something mean to you and breaks your heart into tiny shards or when they do something that makes you so proud your only response is to shed a tear.  Once in a while the crying is because you suddenly realize on a Thursday afternoon that you have not spoken to a single adult in over 4 days and you are going slightly crazy.
  • The doctoring is because if you have one child, you will have medical knowledge about boo-boo's that you never knew you needed to know.  By the time you get up to four children like me, every time you talk to a doctor, you get asked if you have a medical background.  My response is always, "No, I just have four children."  

There is also a lot of poop, pee and vomit.

  • All of that is, of course from the kids.  Unless I'm the one cleaning up the vomit, then there is the bucket beside me so I can puke while cleaning up puke.

Makes you want to run out and get pregnant right now, doesn't it?  Yeah, and I did that four times.  Believe me when I say that I know I am totally nutballs insane.

You know that saying "I know why sometimes Mothers eat their young"?  Well, as of late, I have wondered just a bit why I wasn't born a tiger or a rabbit or something.  You know, just would have made this whole thing a lot easier.

One day, when all four of my children are grown, I want to look back and say that I think I did a decent job.  I can't say I did the best job because I have been a Mom for too many years and made too many mistakes already to be able to say that.  But a decent job I've already done.  So, if I can maintain that I think I'm doing alright.
Now, to hope that my two oldest will learn the lessons of independence quickly and call on May 13th and that my two youngest will remember to at least give me a card this year.

That would make the perfect Mother's Day.

Until Next Time,

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